Top 10 Things Not to Say on Her Birthday

1. "Happy 40th!" (when she is only 39).

2. "Congratulations! You're one year older."

3. "I thought we wouldn't bother with presents this year."

4. "You're still every bit as beautiful as when you were young" (when she's only 30).

5. "All them candles won't fit on the cake so why don't we pretend you are younger."

6. "Make me a cuppa love."

7. "It won't be long before you are drawing your pension" (when she is only 35).

8. "Birthdays are for the young. We don't need to celebrate at our age" (28).

9. "You are getting more like your mother every day."

10. "Let's not waste our money on a restaurant. I will cook for us."